Mum, 2 daughters/ At home after school
Two little girls came home from school.
1st daughter: Mum, can you write with closed eyes?
Mum: I think so. What is it you want me to write?
1st daughter:Your name on this report card.
1st daughter: Mommy, today at school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.
Mum: But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?
1st daughter: My homework.
2nd daughter: Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn’t know. Today she asked us again!
1st daughter: Our teacher talks to herself, does yours ?
2nd daughter:Yes, but she doesn’t realise it, she thinks we’re actually listening!
2nd daughter: Mum, I got 4 in school today.
Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 4 in?
2nd daughter: Two things: I got 2 in Music and 2 in Science
Mother: Well, at least you can count and add!
1st daughter: I’m not going back to school ever again.
Mum:Why ever not?
1st daughter: The teacher doesn’t know anything, all she does is ask questions.
At the Maths lesson
Teacher: Hello, Children. We are having Maths.
Fedya and Sasha: Hello! Sorry to be late. May we come in?
Teacher: Why are you late, Fedya?
Fedya: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Fedya: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Teacher: Why are you late, Sasha?
Sasha: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: You mean you need to sleep at home too! You always sleep at school!
Teacher: Let’s start with a quiz on counting. Lera! (Lera counts from 1 to 10)
Teacher: Now, Trofim, you take over, beginning with 11.
Trofim: 11, 14, 23, 42, 26
Teacher: What kind of counting is that ?
Trofim: Who’s counting? I’m calling signals.
TEACHER: Julia, Can you count from 1 to 20?
Julia: I'm not sure. How about if I just count from 1 to 10 twice?
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Teacher: That's good.
Artur: Good ? That's perfect!
Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Julia K: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Julia K: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
Teacher: Your ideas are like diamonds.
Julia K: Are they so valuable?
Teacher: No, they are so rare.
Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late ?
Marsel: Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late!
TEACHER: Did you do your homework?
Marsel: No teacher.
TEACHER: Do you have an excuse?
Marsel: Yes, it's all my mother's fault.
TEACHER: She kept you from doing it?
Marsel: No, she didn't nag me enough!
Teacher: Now we are checking your homework. Tonya, where is your homework?
Tonya: My dog ate it.
Teacher: And where is your dog right now?
Tonya: She’s at the vet. She doesn’t like Maths any more than I do.
Teacher: Poor dog!
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears? Do you have an infection?
Anzhela: Well… you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other. So I am trying to keep them all in my head!
The teacher: Nastya, suppose, there were 10 sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many sheep were there?
Nastya: There were no sheep left.
Teacher: Why? Nastya, you don’t know Maths
Nastya: Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!
Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?
Teacher: That’s not right, you’d have eight.
Lena: No, Teacher, I’d have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Lera: One dollar.
Teacher: You can’t do sums.
Lera: You don’t know my father!
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have ?
Valera: A fight !
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