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ИнфоурокИностранные языкиДругие методич. материалыМетодическое пособие по английскому языку "Английский для военных" ч.2

Методическое пособие по английскому языку "Английский для военных" ч.2


Министерство общего и профессионального образования

свердловской области

Государственное бюджетное профессиональное образовательное учреждение Свердловской области

«Верхнепышминский механико-технический техникум «Юность»

Методическое пособие по английскому языку

«English for military men»

(английский для военных)

Толмачевой Ларисы Анатольевны,

учителя высшей квалификационной категории

Верхняя Пышма

2016 год

Английский язык для военных.

English for military men.

Part II.

Military humour


Little Herbert was trying to fill in a crosswords.

«Daddy, what do they call those creatures which live both on land and water?»

«Sailors,» readily consulted him his father.


The pilot was taking a large aircraft to Italy. As he came to the Alps, his observer remarked: «Aren’t you flying a bit too low?»

«I don’t think so,» replied the pilot.

Just then everything went blank.

«Blimey,» muttered the pilot about twenty minutes later, «That was a thick bank of cloud we want through.»

«Cloud, hell,» snapped the observer: «That was a railway tunnel.»


The parachute jumping instructor was examining a paratrooper about to make his first jump.

«Suppose you count till ten but the chute fails to open, what would you do?»

«I’ll begin counting again from zero» replied the trainee at once.


This word is now a term. Its principal meanings are «date limits», «state of disrepair». It’s interesting to trace the development of this signification from the original meaning.

«Deadline» in jails meant the line in the yard where prisoners used to walk beyond which they had to go. Guards could shoot dead any inmate crossing it. Hence the meaning (date or time) «limit». Vehicles with a long service period were scheduled to be sent to a maintenance shop for repair after a definite date (deadline). Those under repair were said to be «deadlined».


«Why are you late, cadet? »

«Class started before I got here»


At a Navy reception center they suggested to construct three swimming pools.

«What do you need those swimming pools for? » they we asked


A visitor aboard a ship was surprised to notice that the flag on the ship’s stern had a knot tied.

«What does this knot mean? » he asked the executive.

«It’s the Capitan’s order to tie a knot there to remind him of what he should buy ashore for his wife. »


(Not for Nervous Readers)

A party of paratroopers had been dropped during a jumping exercise. The jump master cast a look around the empty plane when suddenly he saw a head appearing from the hatch.

"Why are you here, Private Soames?"

"My chute hasn't opened and I came back, sergeant," calmly reported the jumper.


A France Air Lines plane was approaching London. The stewardess urged the passengers: "Ladies and gentlemen, please, fasten your belts!"

One English passenger grumbled: "Those French are never original. Always keep punning about British austerity!"


An Air Force brass hat called his engineer expert and told him: "I've just read a remarkable trick motorists use to confuse would-be witnesses to an accident."

"What is it, sir?"

"Motorists paint their cars in different colors, each side. Then people give contradictory


"So what, sir? "

"Don't you see" the general exclaimed, "what wonderful prospects it may have if applied to bomber aircraft. Enemy air observers will be absolutely confused."


"Are you mess cooking here, boy?" a mess cook was asked by the officer.

"Yes, sir."

"Well, stop messing and start cooking."


It was a hand-to-hand fighting exercise.

"Have I done him any damage?" the trainee asked his instructor.

"No, but keep on swinging your rifle. The draft may give him a cold."


An admiral reprimanded a young sailor who failed to salute him somewhere in the street.

"Why don't you salute me, sailor?" he asked severely. "You know I'm an admiral."

"An admiral?" exclaimed the sailor in unfeigned surprise. "And I thought admirals never walk on land."


A soldier in the forward trench was attacked by an enemy scout with a bayonet but managed to escape after a tough hand-to-hand tussle. Hearing the noise the battalion commander arrived wanting to know what the hell was going on.

"Look, Sir, I nearly killed an enemy soldier," the soldier reported triumphantly.

"Well, Private, but why don't you button up your uniform while talking to a colonel?"


A sailor and his wife were watching a film about some sea adventures. A ship was seen on the screen hitting an underwater cliff and swamped with water. The wife saw her sailor husband jumping up in cold sweat.

"What's wrong?" she asked him. "Do these sea horrors so frighten you?"

"Let's run," he shouted. "I've forgotten to turn off the faucet in the bathroom!"


Their sailor son was on his first leave at home. "You see, dad and mom," he declared, "I've got so used to sea that when I drink water now I have to put salt into it."


The pitching and rolling of a passenger liner was terrible. Nearly all passengers were seasick. A lady who had sea legs told her very sick husband, "John, take a look at the face of that lady over there. I'd like to have a cocktail dress of that rich green color."


CO: "Smith, the first sergeant reports that bottle of rye and bottle of ginger ale was found in your locker. What do you make of that?"

Smith: "Highballs, sir!"


Retread means in the direct sense 'a new tread put on a worn pneumatic tire casing of a car (truck)'. Hence, the associations of something (somebody), renovated or restored. In slang it means an officer recalled for active service in the Reserve (an officer of rather old age). In WWII Americans used in this sense the word 'dugout' with emotive coloring of somebody who is out of touch with up-to-date things.


A veteran cavalryman entered the office of a circus manager.
"I could perform a great number in your circus," he declared.

"What number?"

"I can swallow a one meter long saber.

"Many people can do it."

"Yes, but I'm 93 cm high."


Once when his armies were preparing to give a rebuff to the invading enemy a war leader began praying in these words: "Oh, Great God, if our country is right, help us to win victory! But if the enemy is wrong, forgive him his defeat! If you, however can not decide which side is right, step aside and watch us carry the day! Amen!"


The plane was coming in for landing. The passenger soldier was definitely nervous while fastening the belt. The air hostess said: "Don’t worry, young man! Everything is all right. You probably have never been in airplane before?"

"Yes, I have. But I’ve never had a chance to land like this. I am a paratrooper"


A schoolboy was to explain the word 'vet'. He answered, "A vet is a doctor who was in the war."


Mrs. Jenkins, the wife of a pilot, told her friend: "My husband is terribly superstitious He s been trying for weeks to get rid of our black cat. He took him up in his plane. He said he would fly to a record height of 90,000 feet and drop the cat over the side."

"What are you worrying about then?" insisted the neighbor.

"There’s plenty to worry about," replied Mrs. Jenkins. "My husband isn’t home yet, but the cat is"


Nothing the young staff officer did that day turned out right. Each time he was given a task it turned into a "bucket of worms" and brought with it another chewing out. Finally, at close of the day, the colonel gave him a classified message in which a subordinate commander had asked permission to do something. Turning to the captain, the colonel said, "Here, tell him to go ahead. See if you can do THAT right." The captain drafted a very correct, unclassified reply, with a text of: "1. I AW REF A, PERGRA"

Knowing he had finally done something right, he handed the smooth message to the colonel and received the following: "For cripes sake, Jones can't you do ANYTHING right? This should be CLASSIFIED."


A traffic cop stopped a speeding car driven by an Air Force officer. "Was I driving too fast?" the pilot asked.

"No, you were flying too low", commented the motor cop.

Список используемой литературы:

  1. Т.М. Мачина. Английская грамматика в шутках и анекдотах. – Екатеринбург, 1994.

  2. Э.Н. Муратов. The Heroic Path. Москва, «Просвещение», 1998 г.

  3. М.И. Дубровин. The everyday english almanac for boys and girls. Москва, «Просвещение», 1978.

  4. И.Б. Васильева. Stories about young heroes. Москва, «Просвещение», 1978.

  5. В.М. Огольцев. Common Russian similes. Москва, «Русский язык», 1984.

  6. Г.А. Судзиловский. Out of step. Москва. Военное издательство МО СССР, 1979.

  7. А.А. Алмазова. A bridge to spoken English. Москва, «Высшая школа», 1980.

  8. Дополнительное образование. Научно-методический журнал, 2001-2009 г.г.

  9. Твардовский А.Т. Василий Теркин. Книга про бойца на английском языке. Progress Publishers, 1975 г.

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