Министерство общего и
профессионального образования
свердловской области
Государственное бюджетное профессиональное
образовательное учреждение Свердловской области
«Верхнепышминский механико-технический
техникум «Юность»
Методическое
пособие по английскому языку
«English for military men»
(английский
для военных)
Толмачевой
Ларисы Анатольевны,
учителя
высшей квалификационной категории
Верхняя Пышма
2016
год
Английский язык для военных.
English for military men.
Part II.
Military humour
AMPHIBIANS
Little Herbert was trying to fill in a crosswords.
«Daddy, what do they call those creatures which live both on land and water?»
«Sailors,» readily consulted him his father.
BLACKOUT
The pilot was taking a large aircraft to Italy. As he came to the Alps, his
observer remarked: «Aren’t you flying a bit too low?»
«I don’t think so,» replied the pilot.
Just then everything went blank.
«Blimey,» muttered the pilot about twenty minutes later, «That was a thick bank
of cloud we want through.»
«Cloud, hell,» snapped the observer: «That was a railway tunnel.»
COUNTING
IN PARACHUTE JUMPING
The parachute jumping instructor was examining a paratrooper about to make his
first jump.
«Suppose you count till ten but the chute fails to open, what would you do?»
«I’ll begin counting again from zero» replied the trainee at once.
DEADLINE
This word is now a term. Its principal meanings are «date limits», «state of
disrepair». It’s interesting to trace the development of this signification
from the original meaning.
«Deadline» in jails meant the line in the yard where prisoners used to walk
beyond which they had to go. Guards could shoot dead any inmate crossing it.
Hence the meaning (date or time) «limit». Vehicles with a long service period
were scheduled to be sent to a maintenance shop for repair after a definite
date (deadline). Those under repair were said to be «deadlined».
EXCUSE
«Why are you late, cadet? »
«Class started before I got here»
FOR
ALL SKILLS
At a Navy reception center they suggested to construct three swimming pools.
«What do you need those swimming pools for? » they we asked
FOR
MEMORY
A visitor aboard a ship was surprised to notice that the flag on the ship’s
stern had a knot tied.
«What does this knot mean? » he asked the executive.
«It’s the Capitan’s order to tie a knot there to remind him of what he should
buy ashore for his wife. »
GHOST
STORY
(Not
for Nervous Readers)
A
party of paratroopers had been dropped during a jumping exercise. The jump
master cast a look around the empty plane when suddenly he saw a head appearing
from the hatch.
"Why
are you here, Private Soames?"
"My
chute hasn't opened and I came back, sergeant," calmly reported the
jumper.
HINTS
A
France Air Lines plane was approaching London. The stewardess urged the
passengers: "Ladies and gentlemen, please, fasten your belts!"
One
English passenger grumbled: "Those French are never original. Always keep
punning about British austerity!"
INGENIOUS
COUNTER IFF TRICK
An
Air Force brass hat called his engineer expert and told him: "I've just
read a remarkable trick motorists use to confuse would-be witnesses to an
accident."
"What
is it, sir?"
"Motorists
paint their cars in different colors, each side. Then people
give contradictory
evidence."
"So
what, sir? "
"Don't
you see" the general exclaimed, "what wonderful prospects it may have
if applied to bomber aircraft. Enemy air observers will be absolutely
confused."
JUST
MESSING AROUND
"Are
you mess cooking here, boy?" a
mess cook was asked by the officer.
"Yes,
sir."
"Well,
stop messing and start cooking."
KEEP
MOVING
It
was a hand-to-hand fighting exercise.
"Have
I done him any damage?" the trainee asked his instructor.
"No,
but keep on swinging your rifle. The draft may give him a cold."
LAND
ADMIRAL
An
admiral reprimanded a young sailor who failed to salute him somewhere in the
street.
"Why
don't you salute me, sailor?" he asked severely. "You know I'm an
admiral."
"An
admiral?" exclaimed the sailor in unfeigned surprise. "And I thought
admirals never walk on land."
MILITARY
APPEARANCE ABOVE ALL
A
soldier in the forward trench was attacked by an enemy scout with a bayonet but
managed to escape after a tough hand-to-hand tussle. Hearing the noise the
battalion commander arrived wanting to know what the hell was going on.
"Look,
Sir, I nearly killed an enemy soldier," the soldier reported triumphantly.
"Well,
Private, but why don't you button up your uniform while talking to a
colonel?"
NAVAL
ASSOCIATIONS
A
sailor and his wife were watching a film about some sea adventures. A ship was
seen on the screen hitting an underwater cliff and swamped with water. The
wife saw her sailor husband jumping up in cold sweat.
"What's
wrong?" she asked him. "Do these sea horrors so frighten you?"
"Let's
run," he shouted. "I've forgotten to turn off the faucet in the
bathroom!"
OLD
SALT
Their
sailor son was on his first leave at home. "You see, dad and mom," he
declared, "I've got so used to sea that when I drink water now I have to put
salt into it."
PROPER
COLOR
The
pitching and rolling of a passenger liner was terrible. Nearly all passengers
were seasick. A lady who had sea legs told her very sick husband, "John,
take a look at the face of that lady over there. I'd like to have a cocktail
dress of that rich green color."
Q&A
CO:
"Smith, the first sergeant reports that bottle of rye and bottle of ginger
ale was found in your locker. What do you make of that?"
Smith:
"Highballs, sir!"
RETREAD
Retread
means in the direct sense 'a new tread put on a worn pneumatic tire casing of a
car (truck)'. Hence, the associations of something (somebody), renovated or
restored. In slang it means an officer recalled for active service in the
Reserve (an officer of rather old age). In WWII Americans used in this sense the
word 'dugout' with emotive coloring of somebody who is out of touch with
up-to-date things.
SABER
TRICK
A
veteran cavalryman entered the office of a circus manager.
"I could perform a great number in your circus," he declared.
"What
number?"
"I
can swallow a one meter long saber.
"Many
people can do it."
"Yes,
but I'm 93 cm high."
TACTICAL
PRAYER
Once
when his armies were preparing to give a rebuff to the invading enemy a war
leader began praying in these words: "Oh, Great God, if our country is right,
help us to win victory! But if the enemy is wrong, forgive him his defeat! If
you, however can not decide which side is right, step aside and watch us carry
the day! Amen!"
UNUSUAL
LANDING
The
plane was coming in for landing. The passenger soldier was definitely nervous
while fastening the belt. The air hostess said: "Don’t worry, young man!
Everything is all right. You probably have never been in airplane before?"
"Yes,
I have. But I’ve never had a chance to land like this. I am a paratrooper"
VET
A
schoolboy was to explain the word 'vet'. He answered, "A vet is a doctor
who was in the war."
WHO
BRINGS ILL LUCK?
Mrs.
Jenkins, the wife of a pilot, told her friend: "My husband is terribly
superstitious He s been trying for weeks to get rid of our black cat. He took
him up in his plane. He said he would fly to a record height of 90,000 feet and
drop the cat over the side."
"What
are you worrying about then?" insisted the neighbor.
"There’s
plenty to worry about," replied Mrs. Jenkins. "My husband isn’t home
yet, but the cat is"
YOU
CANT WIN
Nothing
the young staff officer did that day turned out right. Each time he was given
a task it turned into a "bucket of worms" and brought with it
another chewing out. Finally, at close of the day, the colonel gave him a
classified message in which a subordinate commander had asked permission to do
something. Turning to the captain, the colonel said, "Here, tell him to go
ahead. See if you can do THAT right." The captain drafted a very correct,
unclassified reply, with a text of: "1. I AW REF A, PERGRA"
Knowing
he had finally done something right, he handed the smooth message to the
colonel and received the following: "For cripes sake, Jones can't
you do ANYTHING right? This should be CLASSIFIED."
ZERO
LEVEL FLIGHT
A
traffic cop stopped a speeding car driven by an Air Force officer. "Was I
driving too fast?" the pilot asked.
"No,
you were flying too low", commented the motor cop.
Список используемой литературы:
1.
Т.М. Мачина. Английская грамматика в шутках и
анекдотах. – Екатеринбург, 1994.
2. Э.Н. Муратов. The
Heroic Path. Москва, «Просвещение», 1998 г.
3. М.И. Дубровин. The
everyday english almanac for boys and girls. Москва,
«Просвещение», 1978.
4. И.Б. Васильева. Stories
about young heroes. Москва, «Просвещение»,
1978.
5. В.М. Огольцев. Common
Russian similes. Москва, «Русский язык», 1984.
6.
Г.А. Судзиловский.
Out of step. Москва. Военное издательство МО СССР, 1979.
7. А.А. Алмазова. A
bridge to spoken English. Москва, «Высшая школа», 1980.
8.
Дополнительное образование. Научно-методический
журнал, 2001-2009 г.г.
9.
Твардовский А.Т. Василий Теркин. Книга про бойца на
английском языке. Progress Publishers, 1975 г.
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