There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.
There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.
There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.
There once was a guy named Matt
Who had an overly large cat
When it chased a mouse
It shook the whole house
So Matt got rid of the cat.
There was an old lady from Clyde
Who ate forty apples and died
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her insides.
I've been studying all night and I'm tired,
But I can't sleep because I'm so wired.
So I'll play on the net
'Stead of going to bed,
And my tests will seem a quagmire.
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
There once was a boy from Montreal
Who loved to play basketball
For a team he tried out
But if he made it, I doubt
For you see, he was three feet tall!
There once was a funny old whale
Who had a magnificent tail
A seaport moved out
When the whale came about
And attempted to swim in a pail.
A dinosaur stomped into a mall,
Where people are tiny and small
Now why did you think
I was really extinct
The dinosaur roared with a drawl.
There was a fat cat on a mat
Who liked to chase mouse named Pat.
He chased him around
And fell on the ground
And smashed him until he was flat.
There once was a fellow named Clyde
Who went to a funeral and cried.
When asked who was dead,
he stammered and said
I don't know, I just came for the ride.
There was a young boy in my way
Who was always happy and gay
He jumped and he ran
Like a crazy old man
To avoid the fast moving sleigh.
There was a young fellow of Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds.
In a month, silly ass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds.
There was a young man from Lenore,
Whose mouth was as wide as a door.
While attempting to grin,
He slipped and fell in,
And laid inside out on the floor.
There once was a bear at the zoo
Who always had something to do
When it bored him, you know,
To go to and fro,
He reversed it and went fro and to.
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